Just Say TEEHEE!!!!

these days,,, or just today i feel a little bit tired. becos of the screen. tv's screen, laptop's screen, my cellphone's screen. its hard to stay away from those thing but, yeah i'm still work on it.

now days i feel a little intimidated. its like all the thing that i've done or ..... i simply don't do anything with my life,,,, in here the little town. different stuff happened in my village. or its just the same the different would be the crowd that i found in my home town it's kinda make me miss anything bout the house thingy. *sigh* i guess its just getting worst when i got home. i barely do something nice there. same thing run here too. my mom is the stereo type and ... i miss that part when she scream or yelling. but not bout giving the lecture. wuuuiihh she never get tired to do that, she love it. but no matter how hard it is to live and getting stuck in such a clumsy situation that myself make. no i will never blame the family that hold me back, i should say thanks becos no matter how clumsy i'm they dont even have a big deal bout it. just a little i guess (but it strike me soooo bad). i told lie to my parents show them i was just alright living without them. inside???? i'm suffer

what i need is not some back up plans but the confident. just need to put my faith and believe in my plans to get the gold inside the mud. God help me to be that person to move on. i'm work on it. just help me up God. i know You'll read this You hear my prays.

after so many long time try to download this thing, it took forever for me to get this thing finish
it called Google Chrome. h-ll i was waiting and waiting AND finally get this thing done

anyways i've been sitting in here ALONE with my laptop and some other people who enjoying the saturday at the campus (enjoying the wifi hahaha). back there when i was in the mosque or should i say i was doing and going with myself with almost no one. i know my parents especially my father always told me to be with some friends "DON'T GO ANYWHERE WITH YOURSELF, BRING SOME FRIENDS" its not mean that i have no friends, i have but i never bother to go with one. i get boring pretty easy when i'm with someone soooo. but here's the thing that get me mad: the flirty boys. i always try to avoid them. instead of being pretty i choice to look like nothing but my self. i thought with my face like this there would be no flirty boys come around, but boys are boys. no matter how hard i try to stay away from them they always get near . and that SUCK.

yet these girls thought that i was crazy, dead walking girl, weird, nerd (not so much but i love reading books), smart (h-ll some people believe it). well whatever they say i will just ignore the pain and stuck the heaphones in my ears, playing the loudest and let  it flow with the music

holly dear, it's been a long time, isn't it? well yeah, here i'm stuck in the middle of nowhere try to be quite as possible, weird as possible, just name it and shall be it (what the??) okay stretch that it's not even important.
sooooo i was trying to be someone different like so much, still on progress. step by step.

it's me, a very weird man kind alive that still try to make things right. i'm not that one person that will care so easily. you need to MAKE me care, FORCE me, but its not that easy. i try to be different but end up equal

well i have to go to the mosque and then the library.

so few days ago i was downloaded some music video and everything seems to bored me to the death and then my eyes find this "princess of china by coldplay feat rihanna" well since i'm a very proud navy i download it and first nothing special, but then i love it. about rihanna well that for sure but then the coldplay they're killing me with the good voice of the vocalist and i 're-love' it once more. it just need a second to love then i search all the memory video music, i remember when the first time i listen to their music "speed of sound" i was totally in love with their music ever since and then "fix you" yeah those 2 songs really deep for me.especially fix you and paradise. hhuuuuuhh i wish i could go to their concert and meet them personally, talking bout their music and their experience. and of course got their signature. but how long??? huhuhhh those silly dream of mine, but still i have faith in me that everything would change. yeah everything would change when the time come, i just need to grow my sensibility and my confident and throw all the shit in me.

Ya Alloh i have faith in you, i believe in You and i always do. i know You hear me, You do know me better than myself. and  i wish that there will be someone out there who can fix me, who reminds me bout who i really am, to support me, to show me Your love, to always be there when i'm on the edge of a cliff, some one that love me because he loves You. someone ,, that someone is way so not him. the one a desire. just give someone that understand me and i understand him. well You do know what kind a someone i want.

coldplay you guys are roooccckkk..... glad to remember you all :) :) :)



...::: be yo' self :::....

i'm not hate my life God give to me, what i hate is how i'm wasting it. all the time that goes by for nothing,
do i need to try?? try something different?? well i'm already think of it but i ,, never take some action. you know to make it come true. i'm stupid and i know it, that would be nice song,isn't it?? i'm still that selfish girl walking with my dirty shoes and acting like i'm nothing. the same girl who never thought how important this life, the girl that have no vision and confident, walking above the ground like a living death,




i'm still not find it, my wallet gone few days ago && i feel worried bout it, there's some huge money i left in it, i thought that i'll find it right soon cause i believe i put it some where in my room ,,, or at the balcony but it must be some where inside the house

he,, that guy,, what's wrong with him?? he keep avoiding me every time we accidently meet. why ?? is it because my stupidity last time?? no, i guess it's a different way. or maybe he know my feeling for him?? or he's just simply damn psychic that can read my mind?? if he knew nothing bout it he could just standing there talking to his friends without moving to another side and hide his face from me. he makes it obvious for me to see that he knew something that i always wanna hide from him. 
if he does know it but can't tell me it's fine i don't wanna say my confession either. but please let me love you, there's nothing wrong with loving someone right?? i knew all the time that i couldn't have you, it's total day dreaming. well you have another girl that loves you as much as i do and you love her back, but at least let me be the girl who loves someone, who hoping to see her crush smiling face, to know that she can breath clearly, see the world with beauty, to feel the sun burn underneath her skin. you don't know how happy i was when you there so close to me, breathless and i keep smiling like a crazy bitch and act stupid. but i'm happy. don't you see?? how meant that feeling for me. the only thing that make me survive. i'm so total realize that i don't deserve you neither of us deserve each other. you have vision in your life you have that confident, and i believe that you can make it to your dreams but not with me cause i'll be disaster, tornado that ruined everything, you can't handle me. so do i about you and all those shiny minds of yours. i'll be the dark side that probably you will chose to hide me from the sun. 


JUST LET ME LOVE YOU, I DON'T NEED YOU TO LOVE ME BACK ALL I NEED IS TO KNOW THAT YOU'LL BE HERE AND I CAN SEE YOU SMILE AGAIN. I DON'T NEED TO HAVE YOU BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO HAVE ME BECAUSE I'M ALREADY YOURS 

ya Alloh make me sure that he's not the one for me that neither of us deserve each other. and forgive me for what i did these days i'm getting crazy bout dirty stuff i'm so so so so sorry.


~dev be yo self 
...::: the said clan:::...
 

damn , okay so i'm starting my day with some cleaning up at the field where the boys could watched my and my friends sufferness this morning. i agreed with law and stuff like that but c'mon you could be more obvious bout things happening around here. as so you know i'm girl and i living at the girls dormitory and you're not supposed to punish me and the rest of my kind at such a place. be rational dude, we tried our best to not messed up with laws, but your behave that declare you as a boss really make us not feeling the law.

enough with words

here i'm in the library and writing my blog with shit i just have downloaded some video on youtube. i tried to search something different. and that bitch at that video really inspired me to talk, no matter the fact that she's so drop dead gorgeous was undeniable but really it's inspired me

and i'm meeting my crush this morning. unpurposely and that makes me crazy you know. yeah i have this comittment to remove this random feelings bout him but it just hit me *finger clicking* like that. and when i was fixing my stuff at the library locker, he was suddenly appeared like that and my heart hold the blood and i can't breath for a bout 3 seconds. i was smiling around like a crazy bitch. i should killed that guy for making me acting like that.

change topic, note to self the library officers are suck. i mean c'mon i'm a girl i deserve more than just respect here. i have heart and so they are but what the hell with all those manners you creep the fuck out of me. sir if you think your smile is sweet and full with love fuck my ass. c'mon it's not only too obvious but i tell you what that was the devilish smile i've ever saw in my 18 years life as a living being. the locker was full and there's no place left so  i put my bag above the locker. i guess it will be save since i put nothing but books, rukuh, and some pencils. there's no one will steel those stupid things. and dude if you worried bout it, tell me with some nice words. cause you're speaking to me like i was a criminal. yeah i'm an accidental criminal, satisfied. 

well i guess that's it for this time