Hi again, back with me..
uhh Atiq.
Actually i wanna write
about my fangirl story part 2 but i got something that actually was the part of my life too and
that is music. And thanks to Ryan Higa’s tweet asking a
suggestion on Eminem song that i
start to listen to him again.
I was not into hardcore
rap music to be honest. I more enjoying what i called “black music” (dude, thats
so racist) well im Asian i dont know bout racism. Even if it exist in my country, my hood
just never let me be racist. Sorry i just dont care.
Moving on!
Around September 2013 when i visited Billboard chart and saw Eminem’s
song Bezerk was on the 100 chart, I just went straight to Youtube and searched
for Bezerk and listen to it and .. DUUUUUUDDEEEE IZ DE BEAST I TOLD YAHH. It
was like a mix between Rap and Rock combine together. Not gonne lie dude I was
covering my mouth when I listen to it (fact bout me: I always covering my mouth
when I fangirling and putting my “Beast Mode” on the spot. Like when I watch
Ryan’s vid, listening to beatful music, etc) and all the people were like “what
the hell is wrong with this girl?” I got no shame so I keep on fangirling over
it. I keep pushing the play butt like a phyco.
(you what??)
And also, at the same time, fangirling over
Drop That Thun Thun, Rock ‘n Roll by Avril Lavigne and Love More by Chris
Brown. DA BEAT IS DOPE.
Back to the topic!
I was listening to those 4 songs for 2
weeks staright. 4 songs only. For 2 weeks. And Bezerk was like the most listen
one. You can tell I was in love for 2 weeks. And then another song called
Survival and Rap God made appearance on Billboard after that. These two songs,
well I should say that they are soooooo Eminem. I’m actually not into them.
Until Ryan make a video “Dear Ryan: Lamp God” that make me listen to Rap God
again. But now I more focus on the lyrics of that song. Dude, I was crawling becos
the lyrics, for me, are so funny. I highly recommended you to pay attention to
the lyrics. Strong, ehhh kinda rude, so kick in, but funny.
Few moments ago I tweeted that I listen to
Bezerk, Survival and Rap God. And one Higaholic suggested me to listen to
Headlights.
I have to say a big THANK YOU for Yanna for
that :)
And this is the MAIN reason
This song speak a lot about me and how I feel
about my Mom. Like literally match, except the “he’s not around” part I assume that refers to Dad I guess, and
the part that my Mom drink, well she drinks plain water so.
I have never listening to the kinda song
that speak my heart out and perfectly match my thought. This song, strong
enough to make me missed my Mom’s love. And how caring she actually is and how
she’s really in pain over her own problem, her “easy anger” mood that just so
easy to goes off. And uhh not to mention that sometimes my Dad and my Grandma
just uhh annoying.
The problem is my Mom is not the kinda person that show love
by giving hugs or something physical, no, she more into giving me and my
siblings loving and support (more like demanding) words but not the cheesy one just simply word
of “kids, I love you. I care bout you. I just wanna all of you to always unite
as one. Five of you. I can’t never give you the best but I try”. she’s easy to
get touch over some situation, she’s easy to cry. She also knows how to make us
laugh. I love the way she’s always be all spontaneous and stuff like that. Such
a fragile independent women.
(dude, are you crying?)
No, im not!! Dude never cry *wipe tears*
I just missed my Mom okay!
And her cook is simply bomb *wipe salivas*
Even sometimes she’s really mean. Like when
she’s mad becos I do something wrong or when I go to the market and get the
wrong stuff or when I’m in my house all day do completely nothing and I just
not taking any shower for three days. For real. Even sometimes if I’m soooooo lazy
it can be way worst. And when that “worst” moment happen, like if you 5 meters away from me and you smell something
gross, no need to look any direction, that’s me. And she just yell at me. Ahhh
memory. And sometimes I hate her for being so demanding, and how she put her
dream to me. That just so stressful even to think about it for a legit second.
And when I talked to her its gonna be all awkward. Well not “all” but yeah we
just have nothing to say to eachother. Or she just say something and I just
listen like a good girl. More like I heve nothing to say to her, my life is not
that interesting in words. That’s the reason I never call her or Dad or even my
siblings. Cos seriously, I don’t have things to say.
Sometimes I just wish that I could have a
hug from my Mom. Like a real hug. Not just a “welcome home honey” kinda hug. I
can imagine how awkward it would be. But still, I love you still Mom :)
At this point, I just wanna say something
to my Mom. Even tho she’s not and never read this blog
(cos you’ll never let her, right?) yup :D
sorry Mom
But seriously,
Mom, I know how you struggle for living. I
try to understand, I try to do my best, but please stop yelling. That’s so
scared the living soul out of me Mom.
Thank you for being my Mom, I really
appreciate with all my life how you love me in so many ways. I can’t never pay
every single pray you wish for me and my siblings on every Sholat. I can’t
never pay a`ll the love.
And sorry for being such a bad kid. Sorry
if I can’t never do things right. Sorry for ignoring your love sometimes. Sorry
for not listening and sorry if sometime I’m not treat you right.
Thank you for worrying about me, even tho
you’ll get mad first, but I still love you Mom. I can’t never really hate you.
Maybe at first I’ll be just hating on you, but in the end please know that I
will always love you Mom, I always proud to be your badass daughter.
If God calling me, and I have no time left
to say this with my own mouth. I just wish that this blog will be the prove of
my love for my beautiful being Mom.
I love you Mom <3
(dude…. You really miss her, am I right?)
Yeah im such a baby, right? *wipe tears*
I guess I really miss her so much, and her
cook uuhh and her cook hahahaha
no, I really miss her.
I get really emotional here. Time to stop
it here.
Until then… stay teehee everybody :)
(i wrote this at saturday night.. and i'm literally legit crying)
